Letters on the Improvement of the Mind Addressed to a Lady and a Father's Legacy to His Daughters By Mrs Chapone, Chapone (Hester), John Gregory
I can't seem to get Google Books to deliver up that snippet in a way that makes it legible on the page. Nevertheless, if you click on the window, it will take you straight to the text on Google Books. If you'd rather know what that bit above says, it's
I know nothing that renders a woman more despicable, than her thinking it essential to happiness to be married. Besides the gross indelicacy of the sentiment, it is a false one, as thousands of women have experienced. But if it was true, the belief that it is so, and the consequent impatience to be married, is the most effectual way to prevent it.
These words of advice come from an early C19 reprinting of a wildly popular conduct manual for young women, John Gregory's A Father's Legacy to His Daughters (1774).
Why is the belief that marriage is essential to one's happiness a grossly indelicate one for a young woman to entertain? Access to the text that surrounds this snippet probably won't help you answer that question, as the author assumes that you, the reader, share his conviction on this matter. What assumptions is he then drawing on?
Deadline: Friday (4/10), 10am.
3 comments:
Much like the post I made on Wednesday, this sentiment seems to be a one that is taking hold at this point.
It seems Gregory is applying the same type of expectations of education and morality that is expected of men that Jane West does. Living one's life with marriage as a goal by which to judge all potential happiness is absurd from a modern perspective, especially given the significantly less rigid societal and legal expectations for the longevity of marriage we have now. For a woman to live her life all for the eventual and hypothetical approval of a patriarchy is clearly amiss.
I would assume that the assumptions he is then drawing on is one that takes into account cases of domestic abuse or infidelity. Or perhaps husbands who ignore their wives, or are more interested in their relationships with other men instead of their socio-politically arranged marriage. Aside from the actual quality of the marriage, one might find themselves more complete as a person by focusing on themselves a bit, for their own intellectual and/or spiritual betterment.
I owuld agree with John it does seem that Gregory is like Jane West encouraging more satisfaction with yourself and your inner growth than attachment to a mate. Also although he doesn't mention it here he seems to assume that a woman's morals will decline if her sole focus in life is to be married. Then her focus will be only on her husband and if he is not a worthy man then she will spend her life in misery. Being forced to occupy herself with trivial socialite gossip and parlour manners in order to entertain as a trophy wife so to speak and nothing more.
Thinking that marriage is essential to personal satisfaction means that the girl will be eager around men and do anything they want to please them. Gregory is arguing against this desperation and instead it seems that he is advising his daugthers to focus on personal happiness and attaining moral values. Therefore when they do find a man he will be one that shares the same values. Greogry seems to imply that a desperate girl will attract a man who is equally eager for a wife and this will never as she mentions end in happiness.
I would be very interested to know how Gregory met his own wife and what his views were toward women's roles. If his wife worked or if she stayed in the home? He is encouraging his daughters to pursue other interests but in reality how much freedom did he allow them. And how much liberty did his wife have to pursue other interests if she had any?
I don't quite get what Gregory means when he says "the belief that it is so, and the consequent impatience to be married, is the most effectual way to prevent it."
From what I gather, it seems that, like the above post says, women shouldn't place marriage on a pedestal. High expectations on anything in life, e.g. a perfect husband, will bring disappointment.
He seems to be urging his readers toward the same end of Mary Wollstonecraft in her preface. However, Wollstonecraft takes her argument further. Like Gregory, she accuses men of having high expectations for his wife (which will lead in disappointment). However, Wollstonecraft also argues that marriage is a trapping institution for women. Instead of having the freedoms to become better people, wives are subject to parlor-life and false perfection.
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